Make room for a miracle #2 – A powerful testimony from Allison Sims
Find Dave Crissman’s post among the front pictures on reachmorenow.com and this personal letter will mean even more to you. –Ray
From: Allison Sims <email@example.com>
Date: January 10, 2015 10:26:20 PM PST
One of the biggest parts of the miracle the Lord did for us was this: it wasn’t just that I had previous miscarriages, it was that I had our daughter at age 44; one year after the doctors told me to enjoy traveling with my husband because even in the fertility clinic, women didn’t get pregnant after age 43. I had her at 44 just by the grace of God. No medical intervention.
Here’s the rest of the story.
I’ve had 5 miscarriages in all from age 39 to 46. The first time you are pregnant you say to yourself, “I’m pregnant and I’m going to have a baby.” After a miscarriage, you tell yourself, “I’m pregnant and I might have a baby.” It’s a heart wrenching roller coaster ride. Except for our miracle pregnancy, the first trimester ultrasound always signaled the beginning of the end: no heart beat. I have buried 2 tiny, tiny ones in my backyard so that they would not end up down a drain. One pregnancy sadly required a D & C but from the genetic testing we at least know we have a daughter in heaven. After our miracle birth, we also had another little one enter heaven, when I was 46 no less! Through all of this we decided not to pursue fertility treatment. We did not want to find ourselves carrying 3-4 for embryos only to have a doctor tell us that we’d have to select which one we wanted. That was not for me.
As difficult as these experiences were, I treasured all of them. With each pregnancy, I did not withhold the Wonderful News until after the first trimester as some do. In my way of thinking, every child conceived deserved to be celebrated and each passing deserved the honor of mourning. In the family of Christ, why should we be alone in this? I did O.K. for awhile but it’s not that I didn’t have my days of near insanity. The neighbor next door was having twins through a surrogate—one of them died, our dear friends who also struggled with infertility, were pregnant. My sadness paralleled my joy for them. I remember “losing it” one December 5th as we decorated the Christmas tree. Later that evening, at dinner with two couples with whom we attended a wedding of my husband’s old high school chum; both announced they were pregnant. I felt a volcano whelm up in me that I could barely contain. After that, I was a wild woman for nearly a month. My grief was so intense, I just had to let go.
Finally through God’s grace, my husband and I decided that our future with children was behind one of three doors the Lord would open up for us. Behind Door Number One: God would give us our own child; Door Number two: He’d give us a desire to adopt that we just couldn’t shake (my husband was not crazy about this option) or Door Number Three: We’d bless other’s children. It was completely in His hands. I accepted Door Number Three. I just had to.
Then our mutual friend (a.k.a. David Crissman) reminded me of the little shoes I had dared purchase at a garage sale. He told us that God was speaking to him about “making room” for the miracles He desired to give us. David read Isaiah 54:2,“Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes.” He told us that if we wanted a child we’d have to prepare a place for him or her. By faith, I clean out the closets of our guest room to prepare for a nursery. When offered a great deal on a used massage table I had planned on putting in the guest room, I passed it up and instead put the money in the bank to save for baby supplies.
In March, we went to Kauai, Hawaii with two couples from church. As I prepared to go that week, something unusual happened. I started my period 3 days early. Now I know this is personal but miscarriages withstanding, I was always regular. That was never an issue. I thought, “Well that’s nice Lord, I won’t have to deal with it on the plane.” I did not understand that this was not just for my convenience but I did make mental note of it. Half way through the week I remember staying in the condo one afternoon feeling sorry for myself while my friends were sunning at the pool. As I looked out from our Lanai, I thought, “Two blonds and a blimp” as I had gained and not lost weight with each failed pregnancy. Then I asked the Lord, “If I cannot have a child, can I at least have a normal weight again?” Following our trip, my husband resumed his out-of-town work schedule but this time he was actually in-town when I apparently ovulated, thanks to the sovereign intervention of the Lord over my body. A couple of weeks later, I was outside trimming the roses and thinking what a good man my husband was and how wonderful he would have been as a father. That night as the sides of the soft down pillow folded over my ears, I heard the providence of the Lord in the undeniable strength of the beat in my heart. A heart beat that loud and strong, yet calm and steady means only one thing. I was having a baby! I knew this was different from any other pregnancy. I knew in an instant why I had started early. I knew who orchestrated it. I never again said I was pregnant; only that I was having a baby. And have a baby I did; two weeks before Christmas 2000.
As we look into the eyes of our beautiful 14 year old daughter and see the lovely young lady of God she is becoming, I can’t help but be so thankful to the Lord for His loving kindness toward us and His sovereign good will and plan for our daughter in His kingdom. How glad I am that I made room for His miracle.